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2.14.2005
He picked up his phone and stares at his phone. As he locks his eyes on the screen of the phone, a sudden rush of thoughts strucked his mind. In a dilemma, he was contemplating whether he should pick up the courage to ask her to be his valentine. But he was worried with her reply, he is afraid that she might not be able to would not go out with or worse still, turn him down.
Much thoughts and consideration, still he is unable to come down with a decision.
"hello, what would you be doing on valentine's day?", "if you wouldn't mind, be my valentine?"
end.
The only time where he could spend personal time with himself was always on his journey back home. The only time where he could ponder upon things. He was reminded that next week would be valentine's day and realised that he doesn't have a date or rather a valentine to spend it with. He reached into his pocket and took out his phone and started looking through his phonebook intently, beaming on every name that appears on the screen.
Till the last name that appears on the phonebook, still there wasn't anybody that he thought he would like to call out.
end.
Posted at 19:56 by convulsion
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2.8.2005
isn't it true at times that we humans never love or appreciate things until we've lost them or they're gone?
i truly cherish and appreciate the times i had at ACS(Barker Road). I love the school, the people and the environment that i'm nurtured in. No doubt they're bad points about AC environment, but so what? The environment that we have grown up in, is what that has made each ACS student a unique individual.
To end this short entry, i would like to tell everyone my wish and desire for this year and for my life. I want to complete my tertiary education as an AC student. Really, that's my wish and desire. Can you feel my hearbeat and passion?
Pray for me, pray that AC is where God would want to put me in and that it'd be in His perfect will.
Goodnight everyone, have a joyous festive season, and a happy happy chinese new year!
Posted at 23:56 by convulsion
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2.7.2005
CALLING ALL BROTHERHOOD MEMBERS!
okay this entry is not an entry. rather its more of a signal. you know the blinking man, where the soldiers are asked to withdraw back to camp for reservice or whatever.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF ACS SERIOUSLY, URGENTLY NEEDS ALOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO.
first reason, is that we need to keep that acs spirit ever burning!
second reason, we must keep our cohesiveness and bonding as close as possible, because brotherhood is hanging on a line!
REMEMBER, NO OTHER SCHOOL ROCKS EXCEPT ACS(Barker Road)!
(heh. people please dont come after me.)
see i even chose our school colours! i'm so proud of acs! =)
(please dont come after me.)
eh nice right? heh. my school's concert hall! love it man! so professional!
Posted at 23:45 by convulsion
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Currently, as i'm typing this entry, guilt and foolishness, is what i can convey about myself.
I skipped school today. Yes, go on scold me. But knowing myself as a really indecisive person, i couldn't decide whether i should have gone to school today, I was contemplating about this the whole of the previous night.
Still, i couldn't come down with any conclusion that i was willing to make.
Now that i'm at home, able to write this entry, is a choice that i didnt make but instead, I allowed the circumstances to decide for me whether i should or should not have gone to school today.
You could be thinking that i'm crazy, because one moment i was vehemently against going to school and that i hated school so much. And in another moment, i'm anxious and guilty about not going to school.
I've said it once, i'm so fickle and indecisive.
Anyway i've tried to suppress this guilt in me by calling one of my friends whom also didn't go to school today. But at the end of the conversation, feelings of guilt weren't taken away at all. I still felt the same way as i had felt before.
Reason is simple, everytime i think of those people who had gone to school today, it just made me feel like a bad boy; as if i'm some delinquent or vagabond. As each minutes passes by, i thought of those people who are in school today.
I don't understand why i am thinking this way, it isn't as if i don't have a school to go to today. I sort of chose not to go to school today. I know, i have no one else to blame but myself.
And that's what i'm exactly doing now. What am i thinking?
Life is filled with so many choices, but with every choice that is made, there are consequences to bear. Some choices in life are so close together in expected consequences that at times i'm blinded by those consequences and eventually allow the situation to take control of things and not myself to fully take hold of the whole matter.
In other words, i'm irresponsible. (For this matter, i do agree with my mother that i'm an irresponsible person.)
I'm sure in every phase and chapter of your life, you've made wrong decisions and chosen the wrong choices right? I'm sure the consequences that you've to face is undesirable. So, the undesirable consequences that i have to bear is my guilt and that i would surely miss out some stuff that is being taught in school today. Also, the day's attendance.
This isn't getting anywhere, i'm attacking myself and confessing about my own folly. I think i'm completely deluded by my own mistake, that everything i'm typing out now seems so incoherent to me.
I should not dwell in my own mistake anymore, it is beginning to turn very distasteful. I have to go to God to repent and ask for his grace and mercy upon me, though undeserving. Then, do myself a favour by finding out what has happen in school today. I guess this is all i can do for now.
After this week, i have to go back to school and plead with the teacher to allow me to take the tests that i've missed today.
This mistake is clouded with so many intangible consequences that i think i'm backfiring myself. But all i have is myself to blame. Also, i know that i have to collect myself now and move on in life. By wallowing in my own misery, it wouldn't bring me anywhere either.
I'm ending this backfiring entry with this peremptory ultimatum that i'll go to school regularly and attend classes faithfully from the start of next week as there isn't any lessons for the week except today.
note to readers: I've already scolded myself through this entry. My mother has also scolded me already. So readers, surely you will have alot of comments and opinion about my folly, but all i'm asking from you is that you'd be a little lenient with them. Alright? Thank you.
Posted at 08:34 by convulsion
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1.29.2005
I just got home from playing soccer for about three hours? haha. Today's soccer was terrible for me, it's so terrible because i injured myself, meaning the injury was caused by myself, when i executed my pass, my foot also slam against the ground therefore, my right ankle hurts each time i try to move it from the left to the right.
Yes, because of this stupid injury, my performance deteriorated. It just sucks, i had to call it a day. Each time i kick the soccer ball there will be this strain and pain at the joint of my ankle. But i thank God, that it isn't too serious, and i can still walk! But it still hurts a little.
Is it a bad sign? I'm afraid i might have to go and see a doctor about it, but i dont think it's that severe. -bite lips-
Because of this stupid injury, i became really frustrated and fed up with myself during the game because i was under performing. Even at the goal mouth, i couldnt score the goal, i so frustrated with myself that i became so bitter that i cursed and smacked the ground.
I have to repent, i know. But sometimes, i really hate losing.
Anyway, today's going to be a long day. After writing this entry, i have to get washed up as i really do stink and then i've to rush to Braddell MRT station. Today, FYF's going to visit the old folks' home. It might sound as if it is a boring and unmotivating activity to many so, yes, some of them are not going. I've to admit and agree with Lynette that it just reflects the character of some and of course their attitude.
Okay, dont't get me wrong i'm not being bitter or dissappointed with anybody. I'm just stating facts!
Alright, i've to go now.
Entry end.
Posted at 12:47 by convulsion
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1.25.2005
I was intending to write an entry last night but because i was chatting with ariel and others online for too long and then i've decided that i'll write an entry the next day.
For the very first time out of three weeks, i am home early! Yes, i am so proud of myself! Simply, because for the past three weeks, i've been engaging in post-school activities, for instance, going out with nicholas and nicholas and nicholas. Seems like it was always him that i've been going out with for the past three week.
Actually, nicholas and i were suppose to meet after school today, but i've realise that school will end at three for me and i have cell group later on in the evening. And nick has to go over to his new house to do some house-cleaning and arranging. So we came to a conclusion that we shouldn't meet today, instead, we should meet tomorrow. But i've realised that i'm going out with kevin for sushi tomorrow!
I guess the only days left would either be thursday or friday, i think we'd meet up on thursday.
Frankly, it feels good to be home early, meaning that i've nothing on for the day and thus, i dont have to rush from one place to another later on. I can finally take my time to do my own things, which is good.
Isn't it?
Posted at 16:36 by convulsion
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1.21.2005
today's going to be a good day! i'll be going to sentosa, the island of fun later at twelve! i'll be going there with my church mates, it is a youth group outing i guess?
as you can see from the tone i'm using, obviously i feel happy today! why? it is because it's a public holiday! which means there isn't any school today, besides i dont have to set my own holidays, meaning skipping school! (okay, i'm not proud of it)
hmm i guess better go off now, got to start packing my stuff and get changed to set off for sentosa! see you people! have a great holiday today! heh.
bye. =)
Posted at 08:52 by convulsion
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1.20.2005
You broke the night like the sun
And healed my heart with Your great love
Any trouble I couldn't bear
You lifted me upon Your shoulders
Love that's stronger
Love that covers sin
And takes the weight of the world
I love You
All of my hope is in You
Jesus Christ take my life
Take all of me
You stand on mountain tops with me
With You i walk through the valleys
You gave Your only Son for me
Your grace is all I rely on
I love You so, and I give up my heart to say
I need You so, my everything
This entry is dedicated to Jesus. Take all of me, my everything. Amen.
Posted at 22:20 by convulsion
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You might think I dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afraid to know the answers
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster
why does this song seems so appropriate....
Posted at 08:13 by convulsion
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1.17.2005
I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat and he showed it once to me
He said "Boy, you might not understand but a long long time ago
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none but I loved your Grandma so
We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter and this is what it said,
If you get there before I do don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darlin' wait and see
And between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me
I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of a church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I'd never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her his eyes filled up with tears
If you get there before I do don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darlin' wait and see
And between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me
And between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me
Posted at 15:37 by convulsion
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