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3.29.2005
Posted at 23:21 by convulsion
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3.28.2005
I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Posted at 22:30 by convulsion
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3.27.2005
Attention everyone! I'm considering to change blog! I'll keep all of you updated if i do.
Posted at 16:49 by convulsion
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3.25.2005
Today's good friday. What a solemn and melancholic day.
Watched Passion of The Christ last night at nick's house. Seriously, that's totally inhumane. Jesus indeed suffered alot. I heard that the brutality and cruelty in reality was worse than what has been shown on the pictures, that Jesus didnt even look like a human anymore, he was totally disfigured. I guess it's true.
Man are sick. Gosh i could feel the intensity and immense pain that Jesus has gone through, i didn't feel that it was just a movie anymore, instead it was so real and so cruel that i felt like i was one of the onlookers at the scene, watching with my own eyes, being crucified and 'butchered'.
Ouch.
Indeed, Jesus deserves the highest praise, honour and awe.
Anyway, i'm still sick, had been ill since last week after the planetshakers concert. I'm coughing like nuts and i've lost my voice, as if i'm talking through my nasal. Terrible. I really hate to fall ill, i can't eat much food, neither do i have the energy to play any sports.
Went to church in the morning. The play that all of us acted out were pretty good, better than the rehearsals! So thumbs up and good job eveyone! Strange, immediately after service, people started swooning out of church and gradually there were very few people left except a handful of us and we too, left.
I'm very tired, slept at 5 at nick's house in the morning. Chris brought his XBox over to nick's house and we played Halo 2 and Soul Calibur until 5 in the morning. Nuts i know, but it was fun especially Soul Calibur! Haha everyone's trying to beat each other! Pamela's the most comical one, when she wins, she starts jumping in exhilaration and joy! (don't kill me pam, not disturbing you or anything.)
Alright, guess i'm going to take some medicine for my cough, sore throat and flu now. Then get some rest.
Signed out.
Posted at 15:34 by convulsion
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3.21.2005
Three reasons why i haven't been updating my blog. The first, i am too busy that i couldn't find some time which i could settle down and type out an entry. The second is just simply, moodless. You know what i mean. Thirdly, is because i've really got nothing to say nowadays.
But I must say that last week was a pretty fruitful, enjoyable week for me. Had two days and three nights of synergiz conference. It's totally awesome! I learned so much more about God and christianity!
Planetshakers was definitely a two thumbs and two toes up. They were great! I was so happy the last night when they finally played the song, Big, "There's nothing my God cannot do!".
One thing i've realised through the conference is that going to planetshakers is so different from any other 'worldly' concerts, for instance deep purple or whatever that shit band is called, simple plan. -pukes blood- (simple plan sucks) I've realised that when you attend 'worldly' concerts you're only watching it as an entertainment, nothing more, nothing less. Whereas if you attend concerts such as Planetshakers or Hillsongs, your focus is more on God and in addition, you're participating in it too!
Frankly, i must say 'spiritual' concerts are more exciting and worthwhile than those 'worldly' concerts. (I'm sorry if you do not agree, because its my own opinion, if you're not happy with it, too bad.)
Anyway, i don't have anything really interesting to write about, just that i received my phone bill today and yes, i got scolded by my dad for exceeding thirty dollars. And tomorrow will be the release of the posting results, bother. I mean its just posting of results, i dont understand why must people make such a big deal out of such a trivia thing. Perhaps its just the way stupid MOE calls it, "posting RESULTS", that makes it look so worrying and disturbing.
Whatever.
Actually i do understand why is that people are fretting over the posting 'RESULTS'. Never mind.
Shan't carry on this dreadful topic, i know where it would lead.
Im ending here. Signing out.
Posted at 22:15 by convulsion
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3.8.2005
Transverse around the heart,
iridiscence of the unrest fondness
passive but taunted by the strong
current of passion and love.
Tampered and trampled on the
inside even though it will come to
past, but helpless creature
relents to pain, that evitable pain
speculating from a different light
the absence makes the heart grow
fonder, musing about her.
And a different angle, imbecile.
No, just bedazzled. Too long I must say?
From the emotional. Much fondness and
concerned as before,
reason being resilient and those
tenacious memories. Albeit the time
has overdue.
Psychologically hypnotize with pictures
of unworth and crept with subtle
interruptions of discouragements.
Dilemmatic? Not at all if logic ascends
paramount.
In the logic, give up, let go, keep driving
don't stall. Better awaits for you.
Yes, understood and believed.
No.
Not radiating through, but it doesnt mean
denial and refusal. Still, i must say i do
have that enchantment.
Logic and self-rescue knocks on the door,
So audible, too hard to ignore.
You open and it greets you,
'move on, its detrimental!'
Spell and carve out with words of
ostentation and melody.
Everything is staged internally!
Unprojected and restrained.
Finally, unheard.
-ernest.
Posted at 23:22 by convulsion
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3.7.2005
Ever since the day you went away
and left me lonely and cold
my life just hasn't been the same
oh baby no
when i looked into your eyes
the moment that i let you go i just broke down
baby if i ever get the chance to be with you again
I would sacrafice
Cuz the feelin that I feel within no other man(woman) would ever make me feel so right
its nice to smile when i get your phone call at night
But I rather have you here with me
right next to me
and I miss the way you hold me tight
I've got to let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that i could ever love a man(woman) so much
I've gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world for you
I'd do anything
That's right baby
Im goin crazy
I need to be your lady(man)
I been thinkin lately
that you and me yes we can make it
just ride with me roll with me
Im in love with you (baby)
Thats right baby
Im goin crazy
I need to be your lady(man)
I been thinkin lately
that you and me yes we can make it
just ride with me roll with me
Im in love with you (baby)
break it down then I'll tell you what i feel
from the moment that i met you its been so damn real
my heart seems to skip another beat every time we speak
Can't belive I feel so weak
tell me that you really need me
and you want me
and you miss me
and you love me
I'm your lady(man)
I'll be around waitin for you
put it down be the woman(man) for you
im fallin so deep for you
crazy over you im callin
callin out to you
what am i gonna do?
its true no frontin
it's u ain't no other
I can no longer go on without you
I just break down (down)
I've got to let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that i could ever love a man(woman) so much
I've gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world for you
I'd do anything
Thats right baby
Im goin crazy
I need to be your lady (man)
I been thinkin lately
that you and me, yes we can make it
just ride with me roll with me
Im in love with you (baby)
Thats right baby
Im goin crazy
I need to be your lady (man)
I been thinkin lately
that you and me, yes we can make it
just ride with me roll with me
Im in love with you (baby)
ooo, crazy,(ooo),
lately (ooo),
lately (ooo)
Lately
pardon the reference of gender, im refering to a female. but that's how i really feel now...insecurity. you're gone but still...
Posted at 20:38 by convulsion
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2.28.2005
what can i say? my life is changed. life is never going to be the same again.
Posted at 23:23 by convulsion
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2.24.2005
"hey! best of luck on getting your results on Monday!", "Hello! All the best for your results on Monday!"
Think again. Is your results all about luck? If it is, where is the phrase 'good luck in getting GOOD results on Monday!" If results were all dependent on luck, do we even need to study THAT hard, since luck has also a part to play? Perhaps there is a little, luck that you have a lenient marker.
But at the end of the day, if the results were all moderated down, how much can luck help? Somehow ii feel that people who recite those phrases are somewhat sarcastic. Maybe i am just over-sensitive but at times, don't you feel the tinge of sarcasm added?
To cut the cock and bull story short, what i meant was luck's abit of a bullshit.
Please don't get the wrong impression, i'm not being over-confident or whatsoever. In fact, i'm more than nervous and apprehensive about the releasing of results. I just feel that sometimes it's quite of a turn off when people start sending you messages that just says, "good luck! good luck for results! ....yada yada" Come on, there can be something even more encouraging than just these phrases right?
-shrugs-
Okay, i shall stop being so vehement. You know something? I'm quite worried about my results... =/ Who isn't right?
But thank God there is God and His word! So i can just cling on to him and that i'd constantly have to remind myself that i'm made in the image of God! So if i do undermine myself, i'd be undermining God! Therefore, i can't undermine myself and i have to put my trust in Him!
Now, i feel comforted with that fact, but still judgement day will have to come, and it will be on Monday! I just hope i'd be able to get into ACJC! (I know i've repeated it a million times, still.)
I will not continue with this topic or else, gradually i'll deviate and be pulled into my insecurity and melancholy.
New subject! I shall just briefly share about my day, today. As usual, i went to school and then after school, me, christian, annah, e.t, rowena and three others went to watch white noise. I wouldn't say that the show was really very scary, it was moderate. There were very few shocking parts and what makes it so shocking was mostly because of the loud and sudden sound effects. There were very few frightening images.
Being our lame and crazy self, christian and i were trying to add more 'spice' to the movie by screaming when there is a shocking scene. We anticipated, but without any avail, there weren't any distinct shocking scenes.
The most amusing thing is that we anticipated throughout the movie, or we were just too slow in reaction and decided to wait for the next scene.
Now i'm watching the channel 8 show! Because there is Rui En inside! She's so pretty and cute! Actually, the show's also very funny!
I've decided to end the entry here. So, everybody take care and achieve FLYING COLOURS for your results friends!
p.s you're nice and very pretty! ;)
Posted at 19:58 by convulsion
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2.20.2005
I'm hereby writing this entry testimonial, specially dedicated to one of my closest friends i have in my circle of friends.
Well i must say that this entry testimonial has been a long time indebted one, because i've promised her that i'd write an entry testimonial to her, the next time i blogged, so here it goes! Don't worry i wasn't solicited to write this, it was out of free will, so people, please don't be mistaken.
First and foremost, i've got to know her through church, five years ago if i'm not mistaken. The first time i met her face to face was at her house. Strange, but that is the reality of life.
Okay, i was just joking about that. Cheers!
Coincidentally, I was there for my first cell group meeting! And I who was a green horn to everything and anything at that time, i was curious and was wondering who could that girl in her rgs uniform be? So, that was how i first met her, meaning that just got to see her face, i don't even know her name!
I only got to know her after a couple of months in church and then i got to know her name was Stacey. Unfortunate to say, not much of an extravagant impression did she impress upon me, but i would say that i'd glady want to make friends with her and also get to know her more.
Queer it might seem, but we got to know each other because I was new in church, and after coming to church regularly for a couple of months, churchmates were curious to know which girl would have caught my eye. I must say that, at that point of time, i was really shy and embarassed with such topics, so it was pretty tough to make me tell them who I'd admire in church.
Surprisingly, Stacey were one of those who were very insistent to know who was the one I like in church. With much effort, if i still remember, I don't think I told her who i liked.(Kudos to me!)
After much attempt, i think she gave up knowing who I liked and by that time we became friends until now!
After five years of knowing her, i'd say that Stacey's pretty, cheerful, quite crazy and cute at times! I've also realised that she has taken up the art of "deliberately" opposing me(of course it's just for laughs), don't know how she adopted it but...nonetheless!
Anyhow! Oh yes Stacey, I haven't forgotten the always-let-you-win game! So here goes, you win! =p
See, i've kept to my promise, the next entry would be yours! Are you happy? =) I wouldn't say that this entry is one of the most fantastic entries, but i will say that this entries are one of my most 'ernest' entries!
Anyway, i'd just like to say that i'm happy to know you and to have you as one of my good friends! Thank you for being there at times when i'm feeling down or when i needed someone to talk to. I truly cherish this friendship...
Oh but one thing, can you don't disclose so many embarassing 'secrets' about me? For instance, the bra incident and many more! Okay? (for this whole paragraph, i'm serious about it! =p) Really embarassing you know, keep it to yourself alright?
So, to cut the long story short, i'm going to end off this entry testimonial now. Okay, I know that after reading this, some of those peeps out there would surely demand for an entry testimonial from me.
Sure! Most glady! But there's a catch. That is, you have to wait!
You win.
Posted at 15:42 by convulsion
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